News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
