This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you didnt know i had herpes?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Rumble strips road head = magical
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
