dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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