I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
