I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
