Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
