I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
