capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
