Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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