I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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