You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
