things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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