At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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