I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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