your thong is hanging out like whoa
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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