Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Never joke about your clitoris.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
