i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
