Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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