I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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