my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
