your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
