I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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