Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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