life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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