shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
