Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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