How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wish I only lived at night.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
