I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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