sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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