East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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