my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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