Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
