I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
