I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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