I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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