I just made out with a guy for $7.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
