question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
