Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
