I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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