i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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