Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
