chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
my poor anus
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
