it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
