My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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