The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
