explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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