And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Enjoy the penises
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
