His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
People with herpes should wear stickers.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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