1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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