Betty ford says i'm here all night
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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