ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
