So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
